


Family Dinner Night

by Number_Twelve



Series: The Umbrella Academy Oneshots & others [19]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: (at some point LOL), (not in his conciousness tho. He's still a fifty year old in there), BAMF Klaus Hargreeves, BAMF Number Five | The Boy, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves Friendship, Big Sibling Luther Hargreeves, Detective Diego Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves is Bad at Feelings, Dolores & Number Five | The Boy - Freeform, Drunk Klaus Hargreeves, Family, Gen, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Good Parent Allison Hargreeves, Good Sibling Allison Hargreeves, Good Sibling Vanya Hargreeves, Minor Allison Hargreeves/Luther Hargreeves, Siblings, Soft Luther Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves Deserves Better, Young Number Five | The Boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26126584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Number_Twelve/pseuds/Number_Twelve
Summary: The fic nobody asked for in which the Hargreeves go out to a restaurant for dinner and it's chaotic by the time they leave ^^
Relationships: Dolores & Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy), The Hargreves Family
Series: The Umbrella Academy Oneshots & others [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1885216
Comments: 6
Kudos: 144





	Family Dinner Night

"So I have this beautiful rock," Klaus said, digging into a pocket and fishing out a stone hardly smaller than the palm of his hand. He held it up for his siblings to see. "Five gave it to me."

"I threw it at you." Five said, giving him an _are you serious?_ look.

"Isn't that sweet? And it left me a gift, too!" He lifted the side of his shirt, revealing a large bruise on his waist. "Goes well with my tattoos, doesn't it?"

"Klaus... You know what? Never mind," Allison muttered, shaking her head. They were waiting just outside the restaurant they had made a reservation at, having been told by a waiter to wait until they had gotten their table cleaned and ready. Allison and Vanya had planed it as a surprise and a way to get their siblings to spend some time together. To their surprise, all had agreed (Diego because he didn't have any work to do, Five because he wouldn't have to pay for his coffee and Dolores… well, Five had just dragged the mannequin along.

"Madam Hargreeves?" A waitress said, talking to Allison.

"That's me." she said.

"Your table is ready," the waitress said. She leaded the way to a large table in a corner of the loud restaurant, and they all got seated (Klaus had to get himself another chair because his had been taken by Dolores).

"Here ya go," a waiter said, handing them five menus. "And a kids' menu for the child-" he put the last before Five, who's eyes had narrowed, hands disappearing under the table to reach for the gun he had kept tucked in his pockets. Klaus laughed nervously, sliding the menu from Five and torwards him.

"Thanks," he said. The waiter shruged and left, saved from ending up with a bullet through the head.

"Well, what will you guys be ordering?" Vanya asked, taking one of the menus. 

"Five, you wanna look at-?"

"Just pass me the _adults'_ menu." Five snapped, snatching one from the pile. Klaus shrugged, looking through the paper that was the kids' manu.

"I think I will be having the mini chivken nuggets with the coke," he said, jabbing at the order.

" _Klaus?_ " Klaus looked sideways to find Ben looking at him with a questioning look.

"No." he said.

" _But-_ " 

"Nope." Ben groaned, sinking back in his seat.

"What's wrong?" Luther asked him.

"It's Ben. He wants to possess my body. And last time do you remember what happened?" he asked him. He just rolled his eyes and sulked, arms crossed as he glared at him.

"Okay…" 

"I won't have any dinner," Five said, "they don't have what I need. I'll just get some booze or something."

"Are you sure?" Allison asked.

Before Five could hiss a reply, Diego said "Allison, he's a fifty-eight year old."

"Thank you!" Five said.

"But you have a thirteen-year-old body. Alcohol won't do you any good. I'll have a martini and some fried calamari."

"So what if Alcohol isn't good? It will just be a glass, for heaven's sake." Five said. He was trying very hard not to reach into his pocket and draw out the damn gun-

"Just let him make his own decisions. Caesar salad for me," Vanya said, putting down her menu. "Just don't drink too much of it or you'll end up sick."

The waiter returned to their table and took their orders, Five stating that he would be having the strongest alcohol they owned, getting himself (and his ssiblings) a concerned look from the waiter.

"I'm actually fifty-eight. Just get what I asked for." Five had said in a dismissive way. "And Dolores will having some punch, if you have any left."

"We do." The waiter said, looking very confused. "Anything else?"

"The kids' menu chicken nuggets with the additional coke," Klaus said, holding the menu up.

Barely minutes passed before the arguments began.

"Five murdered people," Luther said.

" _Murdered_ , moron." Five hissed.

"You murdered loads of people!"

"Yeah. But you are missing out on the facts," Diego said, sipping at his beer.

"Oh, am I? Why is he carrying around a gun, then?"

"Luther-" Allison began to say.

"Self defense. You'll thank me later," Five said.

"Still missing out on the facts," Klaus said. He suddenly pulled Five into a tight hug. The younger-looking man chocked out that he was crushing his windpipe, struggling against Klaus' grip. "We love him as our brother!"

" _Klaus, you are chocking him-_ "

"He's going blue-"

"Klaus… you buffoon... let... me _go_ "

"Oops. Sorry." Klaus said, releasing him. Five gasped for air, face returning to normal.

"Can we not argue?" Vanya asked. Allison nudged her elbow.

"I doubt they will be able to," she murmured as they continued to snap at one another. "How's your violin practice going anyways?"

"Oh, fine." Vanya said. "It feels better to play it without the pills."

"Yeah." Allison said, "I throught so."

"You did?"

"Yeah. It kept you from using your power, so I supposed it would feel better." Allsion said with a shrug. "Just like a rive flows better without a damn blocking it."

"That's a smart comparison," Vanya said with a small smile. Allsion grinned.

"I know."

"Oh shit." Diego suddenly said, lowering himself on his chair.

"What?"

"Remember how I used to do vigilante work before I became a detective? I came across a pretty... harsh individual. Who beat the crap out odf me, and vice versa."

"Let me guess." Luther said with a sigh, vowing his head. "He is in here."

"You're good at guessing."

"Gee thanks."

"And he swore revenge. Because I set the cops on him and... yeah." Diego sunk lower in his seat, eyes on the entrance of the restaurant.

"I suppose this is when I come in." Five said, patting his pocket.

"Trouble seems to follow us everywhere, doesn't it?" Vanya sighed.

"Kraken, do not hide from me!" the man's voice boomed. "I will kill you!"

"Yeah, doesn't it?"


End file.
